Reasons why I'm in a good mood:

1. Fleet foxes playing in my ear
2. Sunny day, warm clothes
3. My sasquatch tickets sitting in front of me
4. Eric Hutchinson lyrics
5. Roadtrip tomorrow
6. I went to bed early last night
7. Woke up early this morning and laid in bed for a luxurious 45 minutes while the sun poured through my room
8. Clean clothes that smell like mmm
9. My shuffle (equivalent of my beating heart)
10. My face doesn't look tired
11. I don't feel like I need a shower
12. Copenhagen trip is set in stone
13. Kings of Leon to look forward to
14. Several important papers finished
15. Good talk with old friend last night. Told me I was a sexy ass. I believed it.
16. So You Think You Can Dance starts tomorrow night!!!!!!
17. Finale of American Idol is happening i think tonight?
18. i don't care that my room needs cleaning or that my nails are still bitten too short...this usually pisses me off, today, no
19. I love my daddy.

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10 Ways to Have a Better Day

1. Wake up 30 Minutes Early.
Get up 30 minutes before the alarm goes off and take the first half hour for yourself. Once you get busy and into the day there never seems to be the time for yourself. Take this time to plan getting the most from the day.

2. Read, Listen, or Watch Something Uplifting.
Make this a daily habit. Get out of starting the day with no mental food. A great day does not begin with the news or the paper, it begins with ideas or energy that will propel you through the day. What you first hear will stay with you throughout the day.

3. Eat a Good Breakfast to Start You Off Right.
Get something good into your body to wake it up and get it going. Think about the energy you will need to perform. Everyday we run a marathon. What would you need to eat and drink to win it.

4. Choose Your Winning Attitude.
There is enough to go wrong without sabotaging yourself. Your attitude is a choice you make. Don't let it come between you and your success. Be careful to keep it positive all day long.

5. Be Aware of What They are Telling You.
The people around us have a profound effect on how we get through life. Our closest friends and family are our greatest environmental influences. Make sure you have the best advisers you can find.

6. Make the Most of What You Do.
When you get to your work, make it the best place to be. Most people go to work and never think about work while they are there. Focus on your contribution. What would it be like if you were not around. Strive to give a 100% each and every day.

7. Always Remember that People are Listening.
Make a point of talking well of others. Wish others the best in life. What goes around does come around. Don't talk negative about anyone. Try to understand their circumstances. Practice being a support system to your friends and family. They need you.

8. Be Honest and Fair to Others.
It does make a difference. What you give to others is usually what you get from others. Practice integrity that people can see and feel. Be aware of what you say. Learn to walk your talk at all times. The more people trust you, the more of their time they will trust with you.

9. Pace Your Energy to Last All Day.
Be careful of bursts of energy. Pace your energy throughout the day. If you get to crazy early in the day, you will reach a point of exhaustion before the day is over. By planning your entire day before you begin, you will have what you need. You've heard the old saying "look alive."

10. Get in Bed Early and Study for the Future.
I have a friend who keeps a journal at his bedside. Every night he writes what he learned new on that day. The only way to keep one step above the masses is to learn new ways to do things. Develop the habit of reading a work or personal development book before you go to sleep. Reading for 30 minutes a day is like a year of college. You can't succeed if you don't read. Remember throughout your day that life is what we make it, day by day. Practice having the best day ever. It adds up to a great life.

by Geno Stampora

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"I have said enough" By Matt Simons...regarding a certain destructive situation in my life

I will fall
That I know
Say you don't feel the same
And I will go

I have been sitting here
You have told
Me of your reasons why
And I'm not sold

I am so lost in what you believe
I am so lost in what you believe

With these eyes
All made clear
Why we still find ourselves
Right back here

I see you terrified
Love so new
Tell me you have with him
All we do

I am so lost in what you believe
I am so lost in what you believe

And I would love to be the one to find
The way to help you to
Unlock the chains to your own mind
But I have said enough

You will fall
To what you know
Say you don't want to be with me
And I will go

I may have out of fear
Come on too strong
But I would not be standing here
If I was wrong


I am so lost in what you believe
I am so lost in what you believe

And I would love to be the one to find
The way to help you to
Unlock the chains to your own mind
But I have said
I have said

You got me lost in
All your excuses
You are not crazy
No you are not crazy

We are all alone
You can be open
You can be open
You can let me in

And I would love to be the one to find
The way to help you to
Unlock the chains to your own mind
But I have said
I have said
I have said enough

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Ralph Waldo Emerson (in addition to the Dalai Lama) gets it.

"To laugh often and much;
to win the respect of intelligent people and the affection of children;
to earn the appreciation of honest critics and to endure the betrayal
of false friends; to appreciate beauty;to find the best in others;to
leave the world a bit better whether by healthy child, a garden patch
or a redeemed social condition;

to know even one life has breathed easier because you have lived.

This is to have succeeded."

- Ralph Waldo Emerson

(just got this in the mail from my mom. quotes like this have the power to turn your whole day around)



"Finish every day and be done with it...You have
done what you could; some blunders and
absurdities no doubt crept in; forget them
as soon as you can. Tomorrow is a new day; you
shall begin it...serenely, and with too high a spirit
to be cumbered with your old nonsense."

- Ralph Waldo Emerson

(this has been on my fridge for two years now. you couldn't pay me enough money to take it down)

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The Dalai Lama Gets It

"I find hope in the darkest of days, and focus in the brightest. I do not judge the universe."


"All major religious traditions carry basically the same message, that is love, compassion and forgiveness the important thing is they should be part of our daily lives."


"Old friends pass away, new friends appear. It is just like the days. An old day passes, a new day arrives. The important thing is to make it meaningful: a meaningful friend - or a meaningful day."


“I believe that the very purpose of life is to be happy. From the very core of our being, we desire contentment. In my own limited experience I have found that the more we care for the happiness of others, the greater is our own sense of well-being. Cultivating a close, warmhearted feeling for others automatically puts the mind at ease. It helps remove whatever fears or insecurities we may have and gives us the strength to cope with any obstacles we encounter. It is the principal source of success in life. Since we are not solely material creatures, it is a mistake to place all our hopes for happiness on external development alone. The key is to develop inner peace.”

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Taking a moment to display my love affair with home. While stuck in the Library Coffee Shop working on my Kensington Project, Midterms and Essays.

This is a view from the top of Grizzly Peak, located about a five minute drive from my house in Kensington. And it happens to be my favorite place in the entire world. This picture captures how vast and magical the view of the bay is in my mind. I was given a lot of freedom with this project. We were asked to talk about anything regarding our families or home towns. I knew right away I had to talk about how special Kensington and Berkeley are not just to me, but everyone that has ever stopped through. Every time I get the chance to drive around the Berkeley hills and see the golden gate across from me, my heart swells. I find myself beaming and smiling for no reason at all every time I really pay attention. What I love most about home, is that everyone else is just as proud. The inarticulable love affair is there in everyone. I know this because no one can explain it, only pictures and poems and music make sense of it. No wonder my town is filled with award winning poets, artists and musicians. And no wonder everyone who moves to Kensington, lives there till they die. The landscape and the pure satisfaction that radiates from the bay, make the love affair effortless.



(These last two photos were taken driving down Moser, the street below my friend Margo's house, on the way to Camp Windrush, our amazing hippie middle school in El Cerrito)











And here is a beautiful and incredibly heart-felt poem Margo is letting me read for my project. I'm reading it because it describes the love affair I'm talking about, the one everyone that lives there has.

“Repetitions of Home”
I’ve travelled oceans away from where I learned
to define myself.
I know who I am in California
but now I’ve seen the world
(or at least a new pinpoint on the map)
and I’m not who I was when I left.
California gave birth to me.
California shaped me.
California whispered to me all I know.
I see the world through California eyes.
Golden citrus westward eyes.
I’m happy to be away
but I dream of going back.
Flying through the night over San Francisco
dodging the clouds and peeking at the lights
that flank the bay in silent clusters.
My city is winking hello and welcoming me home.
The undulating terrain below is so familiar
stamped into my mind.
Unforgettable as the face of my father—
burned into my blood.
My blood that pumps California through my fingertips.
My blood that paints California in my toenails.
My blood that heats my cheeks with California.
I know who I am in California
but who does that make me here?
If I meet you now you cannot possibly know me
until you know me
in California.
There’s a void in my chest when I’m away from home.
I asked Tony Bennett to keep his eyes peeled
because I’m sure I left my heart
in the same spot that he did.
California makes my hair grow.
California glues my joints together.
California keeps this new air flowing through my lungs.
But the air here doesn’t taste like California.
I miss the scent of clean fog on green redwood trees.
I miss the freshwater and saltwater mixing at my feet
in an opposite embrace.
Flowing in and out
in and out
beneath the brick-red bridge that I love.
California is my random luck.
California is my secret wish.
California is my reason to smile.
A single speakable Spanish word
buried at the foundation of centuries of dreams.
Doesn’t everyone want to be home in California?

-By Margo Winton

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Meaningful song 4/13/09

Glen Hansard - Falling Slowly Lyrics

I don't know you
But I want you
All the more for that
Words fall through me
And always fool me
And I can't react
And games that never amount
To more than they're meant
Will play themselves out

Take this sinking boat and point it home
We've still got time
Raise your hopeful voice you have a choice
You'll make it now

Falling slowly, eyes that know me
And I can't go back
Moods that take me and erase me
And I'm painted black
You have suffered enough
And warred with yourself
It's time that you won

Take this sinking boat and point it home
We've still got time
Raise your hopeful voice you had a choice
You've made it now
Falling slowly sing your melody
I'll sing along

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"You can sleep when you're dead" or "Not sleep and then die" you decide!

I am that college student today. I went to sleep at 5:45am exactly two nights in a row. How did I manage this you ask? I'm not a quiter is my answer. I am a freak of nature. I can handle strangers coming up to me the next day asking if I'm okay because I look like I'm about to cry. My eyes are red and barely open. My hair is five shades darker than usual, and in what I like to call the up-do clean palate-like bun we see on America's Next Top Model. My fleece jacket has become my second skin, usually with trident gum wrappers in every pocket. I can't remember what water tastes like because I'm hooked to a medical IV of diet pepsi. Unfortunately, I get it free at the union market. And I speak in half sentences because full sentences are farrr too arduous. This usually provides a needed dose of pity.

I can always sense when days like this are coming....we all do. We allow ourselves to freak out when it's getting late on Sunday and write at least one facebook update about being stressed out. Eventually we accept that we are due for that all nighter, and then prepare with a trip to 7eleven. This particular two-day sequence began with the mental decision to stay up and actually MISS mardi gras for a J202 outline... so I could hate life and stare at my yellow legal pad with five to do lists and gross numbers of exclamation marks. Sure enough, by the time I'm done cleaning my room, taking a shower, rearranging the living room and feeling finally mentally prepared for beginning the actual work - everyone comes home from their parties. Always with fun stories and usually a tag-along cute boy...who acts as the friendly reminder that I really missed out. Do I care? Strangely no. I enjoy being the struggling roomate that sits home waiting to hear the fun I missed. It allows me to feel like grandma. Aside from the complete lack of sleep, the non celebration of mardi gras and the abusive comments from strangers, I at least cleaned my room, played the mom role of the household for once, and actually finished my outline. What'd you know, productivity from more angles than you would guess. This is why I like being a seven, I am disgustingly and unecessarily positive in the most impossible and trying of situations.

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Iconic Kensington

A little slice of home. This is a photo I found on flickr of the old drug store right across the street from my house in Kensington. :)

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i strive to emit such beauty.p.s. Kelly, Sarah Franco?!

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thoughts on LOVE

1. Sex and the City makes sense of everything that has to do with my love life.
2. the music will get me. every time.
3. i love having my neck kissed. and my lower back held.
4. one rose is always better than a dozen. and preferably not a red one. or just get me daisies :)
5. having a sense of humor may actually be the most important thing to me. aside from, duh, the music.
6. i am the worlds worst at taking criticism. as much as i try to accept it. unless i can tell you're sincerely trying to help me.
7. i am a sucker for movie dates and playing with each other's hands.
8. must appreciate the game of baseball.
9. being open-minded is another must. never tell me you hate something without trying it on
10. i love everything classic. classic rock. classic clothes, cars, gestures...
11. Surprise me with exciting adventures. I am a kid, and the world is my candy store.
12. admitting you're wrong is so much sexier than being right
13. anyone that sings and/or dances is a gem
14. Pearl Harbor parachute scene.
15. Dave Matthews Band. (crush, crash, lie in our graves, satellite, best of what's around, grey street....)
16. Frank Sinatra.
17. Lake Tahoe
18. kissing standing up. preferably in the rain.
19. teach me. challenge me. piss me off. nothing gets me more than learning
20. I want someone to look me in the eye and mean it
21. Live with intention
22. Live with passion
23. Accept all of me.
24. Know and want to see through my eyes sometimes

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assisted suicide recording from ORegonlive.com

I just witnessed a real life assisted suicide via this audio recording in VisCom today. I had to keep my hand over my mouth to keep myself from getting choked up and starting to cry. The whole documentation was so unlike anything I've ever seen before. It was so powerful and so real; I had no idea that something like that could affect me the way that it did. The woman in the recording was so at peace and so content with dying, I could hardly believe it. I don't know why I am this way, but I have always had trouble with the thought of dying, and to see this woman so content before killing herself was just astounding to me. I look at the world like a little kid everyday and think how beautiful and how incredible it is, and to think someone could leave it intentionally to me is like walking out of the world's biggest celebration. You never no when live can surprise you. People always love you, there is beauty and goodness everywhere you turn. To be honest sometimes I feel like its hard to get away from it. I honor that woman however, I respect that she may be able to be so at peace with herself and to accept the pain of letting go. The whole thing was so surreal to me. I know that I'll have that experience with me for a long long time. May God bless her and everyone that has that courage to let go.

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My Love Affair with Music

sometimes my heart hurts knowing how much i love music. if i could have a love affair with it i would. listen to lovers split from broken social scene, lie in our graves from dave matthews or reckoner from radiohead, closer from goapele,....then you'll know what i mean....

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a quote from my poetry anthology

Rien e'est beau que le vrai, le vrai seul est aimable

Beauty is only in the true, only the true is lovable

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books that have changed me this year...

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up where the answers fall like leaves...

"Going North" -Missy Higgins

I wanna dance the tango with chance
I wanna ride on the wire
Cause nothing gets done with dust in your gun
And nobody respects a liar
So goodbye for a while I'm off to explore
Every boundary and every door
Yeah.. I'm going north

I wanna know where children would go
If they never learned to be cool
cause nothing's achieved when pushed up a sleeve
Till nobody thinks you're a fool
So goodbye for a while I'm out to learn more
About who I really was before
Yeah.. I'm going north

Up where the hunted hide with ease
Under the arms of eye-less trees
Up where the answers fall like leaves
Oh and your love is all I need
Yeah ...I'm going north

(this song explains what went through my head when I decided to go north to Oregon for school. I wanted to get away from the catty people that thought they were cool, I wanted to explore every boundry and door, i wanted to dance the tango with chance, I wanted to go to a place where I could find the answers and truly find myself...where the answers would fall like leaves)

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weird day.

So, for the first time all year I went to bed before 1 oclock last night. i believe it was 12:37 i last looked at the clock, passed my computer to the floor, then passed the eff out from wooziness of the double dosage of nyQuil... And... it put me in thee weirdest mood ALL DAY. It was like i was gone to europe for a year, and had jetlag from going to bed 5 hours earlier than I should have been. And now, here I am at 7:00 in bed, the next day, and ready to go to sleep because I am soooo dammm tired! I was in this trance all day, people were saying things to me, and was phased by absolutely nothing. comical, rude, happy, nothing. I had this vibe going on where I felt like I was back in high school...my hair smelled like the after-highlighting conditioner I used in high school (highlighted my hair last night, with the same stuff I always used to use).. plus I was wearing this pair of jeans I hadnt really worn since junior/senior year. Then I heard "champagne supernova" playing in the background in the Lillis coffee shop, and I stopped and looked at Taylor, and went "woaaa, i feel like high school right now". aha. that song never fails to remind me of david adams (boyfriend from junior year). We used to lay down in parks together, sharing ipod earphones, listening to weezer's blue album and oasis' whats the story morning glory. My hair is blonder now, however only slightly, but nonetheless i feel more like myself. I feel youthful and free like i always did in high school.... its weird now to say that I hadnt been feeling like that all along. okay, wow i am tired. I havnt worked out in over a week. I feel drained, and worthless, .....however...content. and finally! me and Tay talked about it till 3 the other night, about how great it feels to finally feel comfortable with our lives and who we are. thank you enneagram, and the secret, and marcus buckingham's strength finder! truly truly what a gift it has all been. To be able to figure out exactly who I am at the tender age of 19! truly a gift. However, I still have shit to do. alright blogger.com, and now i say good night ...at 7:20 pm. bahh good joke. unless the neighbs are drinking tonite, and which case i will be informed via text message from my "always down/party-going roomates" god love them. i am grateful. peace and love.

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